There are many versions of me. There's the me that my family and a few close friends know. Then there's the me that the general public might know.
There's also the me behind closed doors that most never see. The armor comes off. The guard comes down.
The me most people don't see is not always a bastion of confidence. This me can be vulnerable, scared, or anxious. Sometimes, this me has no idea know what to do.
There's a reason why this me only comes out behind closed doors. The soft underbelly is exposed. I don't want anyone to see it.
I'm not a fan of this version of me. This me rarely does any favors. It often just derails.
This me gives voice to the innumerable half baked, irrational fears one can imagine. Left to its own devices, it runs amok. It sees little but shortcomings and failures.
Not surprisingly, I don't like spending a lot of time with this version of me. It's critically important to keep this me regulated and controlled. This me needs to be on a short leash at all times.
When this me is running roughshod, I do the only thing I know how to. I head outside. I leave it behind.
The insidious voices of doubt and fear become faint. The behind closed doors me has a hard time telling me I am weak when I am running more than ten miles per hour. So, I push the pace.
The anxiety drains away. The chinks in the armor are filled. Another version of me emerges.
This me is strong. It is confident. It does not back down.
This me balks at doubt, fear, and anxiety. It knows that all of these things can be overcome. This me is a warrior.
The warrior knows that setbacks and failure may happen again, but as long as you keep moving forward, you can never truly be defeated.
Armor is polished. Spears are sharpened. The battle is rejoined.
The warrior knows actions speak louder than words. It is easy to cower behind closed doors, give voice to irrational fears, and do nothing.
The warrior knows it is through action that things get done. It is through the act of moving forward, that one conquers.
The behind closed doors me cowers before the warrior who stares fear in the face.
I run because it is where I find the best version of me....