Thursday, October 30, 2014

I run because I need to uncage the rage..

It roils up inside of me uninvited. All I can see is red. I try to keep it in check. I take a few breaths.

It's not working. I want to jump out of my skin. I want to howl at the top of my lungs.

But, this is not how an adult behaves. I am civilized. I remind myself of this.

Still the rage burns inside of me. It eats my insides. It's still hungry. It is insatiable.

Angry, destructive thoughts explode like a mushroom cloud. My brow furrows. A darkness overcomes me.

The dark side beckons. This is the side that helped land me in the principal's office as a kid countless times. The dark side has destroyed friendships.

It grins darkly begging me to let it take care of things for me. We must make it right. There must be retribution. Someone will pay.

My vision blurs as I start to lose myself. Everything is hazy. This will not end well.

I will say things I regret. I will do things I cannot take back. This road doesn't lead to anything but oblivion.

I take a deep breath and hold it for as long as I can. Maybe I can simply hold my breath and the darkness will die of oxygen deprivation. It grins evilly back at me knowing that this won't work.

Just let go. Let me take the reins. You know you want to. The beast is an insidious, persistent fuck.

The adrenaline courses through my veins. The fight or flight instinct consumes me. The urge to fight is nearly insurmountable.

Somehow I manage to take flight. I may have run faster before, but I don't know when. I may have run harder, but it's been awhile.

The beast's smile fades a bit and I smile back darkly. I am in control. I am the one who handles the reins.

I push even harder. The beast winces. The adrenaline starts to fade away. I gasp with every stride.

Heads turn as I run roughshod across road and trail. Nothing is chasing me. There is just a demon that needs to be exorcised.

He's pained and grimacing. Used to getting his way, this is a battle he's losing. This is a battle I can't afford to lose.

I reach the finish line a sweating, gasping mess. I stagger around trying to collect myself. The demon whimpers pathetically in a dark corner.

The adrenaline is spent. The flight consumed all of it. I am still standing, barely.

The demon skulks away defeated. He vows to return. I smile back at him daring him to push my buttons again.

I run because I need to uncage the rage...

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