Monday, September 08, 2014

I run because I am haunted....

They say you should live in the now. Forget the past. You can't change it. It's best to let it go.

I try to leave the past behind. I'm sure most people do. But, just because your past is behind you doesn't mean it's dead and buried.

Some nights the past comes back to haunt you. Maybe it's in a dream. Maybe it's something other than a dream.

It's often said houses are haunted because the previous inhabitants of said house died in some violent or tragic way. The spirits of the dead hang around because there's unfinished business.

Or perhaps the spirits that remain are just confused. Maybe they don't know they're dead.

Tragedy is a part of life in big and small ways. I like to think time heals 'most' wounds and tragedies. But, sometimes the wind blows the right way and you feel a twinge. You feel an ache.

You feel echoes from the past. Ghosts coming back to remind you that there's unfinished business. Maybe it's business that will never be finished.

Sometimes these ghosts castigate you. They chastise you for doing something you shouldn't have done. They browbeat you for something you should have said, but didn't.

It isn't always the case that they're trying to torment you. Maybe the intent is to make sure you don't make the mistake again. Maybe the intent is to help you avoid future tragedy.

In the movies, you often get rid of ghosts by taking care of the unfinished business or righting whatever wrong was committed. Things are rectified.

In real life, we never really get closure. You never really walk away with all the answers. Ghosts linger and haunt.

I've long since given up on getting rid of mine entirely. They come and they go. But, as far as hauntings go, mine isn't so bad and it's not as bad as it once was.

When the ghosts become too much to bear, I do what the frightened often do in the movies, I run away. I have no illusions this is a permanent solution. It's a stopgap measure.

But, running is an act that is profoundly present. There is no question of where I am when I run. I am in the moment. The past is behind me and has no bearing on where I am going.

While ghosts may be real just as my past may be real, it is the present that ultimately matters most. What matters most is what's directly in front of me.

In the end, there are no permanent solutions to a haunting. Ghosts come and go. When the bumps in the night become too much to bear, I run. I run because I am haunted.....

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