Everything feels small. Everything feels routine. I feel trapped inside a machine of my own making.
I do my job. I come home. Rinse and repeat.
A nagging anxiety creeps up from somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach. It gnaws impatiently. It growls in discontent.
This is not what I dreamt of as a child. This is not what I aspired to. This is not the life I want.
There has to be another way. Surely, there is another path. I can't see it clearly, but I know it must be there.
I have no illusions traveling this path will be easy. It will have no shortage of hills. It will have a multitude of bumps. It will be a long road.
But, grinding down hills is my thing. Taking bumps is not foreign to me. Logging a few extra miles is not a problem.
This path includes constant uncertainty. No compass can ensure safe navigation. Moments of doubt and fear will be around every corner.
All of this gives me pause, but does not stop me. Fear isn't always a bad thing. Fear can keep you on your toes.
I open the door and look outside the machine I am trapped inside. The sun shines. The wind blows. There isn't a single path, there are countless.
I take the first trepidatious step and I am still standing. I take a few more. The fear is there, but it is muted and understated.
The walk turns into a run. The dangers of this new path are far outweighed by the opportunities. I don't have to be a cog. I don't have to be caged.
I do have to deal with the hills, bumps, uncertainty, and additional miles this path demands. But, living something other than a small life requires this. The easy path is not enough for me...
I run because another path is out there..