Wednesday, August 06, 2014

I run because they're out to get me..

My mother tends towards the circumspect. Actually, that's an understatement. Paranoid is a more apt way to describe her. I don't blame her. Her mom exhibited behavior that transcended paranoid. Fundamentally, you really couldn't trust anyone or anything according to Nana.

This predisposition towards paranoia is something that was passed on to me as well. I never cross the road without looking both ways. I always locked the door..twice. Aside from my family, there weren't many I trusted and even the family wasn't always so trustworthy.

Rather than expect the best and plan for the worst, you should simply expect the worst. The universe wasn't indifferent. The universe was out to get you.

My affinity for horror films fed whatever inherent paranoia permeated my view of the world. The naive belief that you were actually safe and there was nothing under the bed always led to your demise in the movies.

It was the circumspect (or paranoid) who tended to walk away unscathed on screen. To clarify, it was usually those who RAN rather than walked who survived. So, I ran as hard and as fast as I could whenever in doubt.

This would serve me well in a game called 'tag'. Fundamentally, tag is a game where they actually are out to get you. You're chasing someone or more often being chased. I excelled at tag. Whether it was my innate ability as a runner or fear borne of paranoia, I was not easy to catch and consequently rarely 'it'.

But, running as hard and as fast as you can all the time isn't sustainable. Living with the idea that people (or the universe) are out to get you is not healthy nor realistic.

However, the opposite isn't much better. Blind idealism or the idea that 'it's all good' might be healthier, but comes with its own problems. The reality is that you can't always ignore the bumps in the night.

I don't think there are many truly evil people out there, but that doesn't mean there aren't people who are confused, misguided, and capable of making mistakes.

I don't think the world is out to get me, but I'd be a fool to think 'it's all good'. I don't run as hard and as fast as I can at the first sign of doubt, but my eyes are always open and my shoes are at the ready. I run because (sometimes) they're out to get me..

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