Friday, August 01, 2014

I run because no one yields to a pedestrian.

If you can't run, walking is an adequate substitute. It's better than rolling around town on a Segway. It's infinitely better than sitting on the couch (or the desk).

That being said, walking has never really been my thing. I've got nothing against walking per se, but since I became a runner (EONS ago), walking feels like a step backwards.

Once you've run, it's just hard to go back to walking.  If you've covered a mile in a handful of minutes, covering one in fifteen just doesn't compute. It doesn't make sense.

If you're capable of covering ground in a more expedient fashion, why opt for a less efficient way of doing so? Those who choose to walk when they can run seem like masochists to me.

On the occasions on which life requires me to walk, it's an ordeal. It's painful. It's torturous.

My version of walking is far from casual. Some might call it powerwalking. Some might even think it's running. It's sheer impatience in motion.

Patience is a virtue and it's one I respect and admire, but it's one I am still trying to develop. I walk grudgingly with the knowledge that I could be getting to my final destination much faster. Some say time is money, but time is also life.

The minutes I waste walking could be used to write my memoirs, take a nap, eat a sandwich, or countless other endeavors.

I have a recurring nightmare of being trapped in a gridlocked sidewalk that is packed to the gills with the slowest walkers on the planet. I desperately try to find a seam in the ceaseless mass of glacial plodders, but there is none to be found.

I try to weave, but there's nowhere to go. I politely say 'excuse me' and no one responds. I have no choice but to slow my walk to a veritable crawl.

It's terrifying how slow they walk. They are actively trying to slow me down, get in my way, and prevent me from moving forward.

Eventually, it occurs to me to do the one thing that will get them to disperse. I run. My polite 'excuse me's' become aggressive, loud demands to 'move to your right'. They can hear me coming and suddenly the tables have turned.

No one yields to a pedestrian, but most (if they're smart) will yield to a runner....particularly if they are headed your way at 10MPH. I run because no one yields to a pedestrian.

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